


It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing

by omnomnivore



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Multi, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-02 18:15:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8677930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omnomnivore/pseuds/omnomnivore
Summary: Kara has gone through so much pain and grief, but she always had Alex there to help her. When her main source of comfort is gone, she loses it.





	1. My Heart Only Breaks When It's Beating

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been reading through a lot of the fics on here and there just aren’t enough angsty ones for my liking. (Blame it on my Harry Potter roots…) Therefore you get a story that made me cry when I was writing it. I got the title from the song of the same name by Shania Twain.

Kara Danvers was sitting on her couch, watching the new season of _Puss in Boots_ , when she heard Alex screaming her name. Her heart jumped to her throat and she was flying above National City in less than three seconds. She flew in the direction of her sister’s scream, scanning every building along the way. She left the city behind and was well into the desert when she spotted Alex. She touched down next to her sister and rushed to her side.

 

“Alex, I’m here! Where is everyone?!” Kara asks as she scans the area, “Alex?”

 

Kara scanned her sister as she knelt in puddle of Alex’s blood. Her right leg had broken, ripping through her femoral artery. Kara pulled Alex’s belt free of her pants and tied a tourniquet midway down her thigh. “I’ve got you, you’re gonna be fine…” Kara told her sister as she heard Alex’s heartbeat get fainter and fainter. She took off, speeding towards the DEO.

 

“Alex! Nononononono… I’ll save you! We’re so close to the bunker! Please Alex…” Kara sobbed as she heard her sister’s heart stop. She landed at the DEO bunker, cradling her sister’s body, not a moment later. She sped through the cave and scared the doctors when she lay Alex down on the table. “Help her…”

 

The doctors immediately sprung into action, “There’s no pulse! Get the cart!” One of the nurses came running in, rolling a crash cart forward. Kara watched as they ripped off her Kevlar and sliced open her shirt. She watched as they charged the defibrillator and she watched as her sister’s body left the table only to slump back down, lifeless. She watched as the doctors charged up the paddles and she watched as her sister didn’t regain a pulse. The doctors tried three more times before Kara saw their shoulders slouch as they drew into themselves. One of the doctors turned to Supergirl and said, “I’m sorry…”

 

“Don’t give up! She’s not dead!”

 

“Supergirl, even if we could get her heart restarted, she’s lost a lot of blood… I’m sorry, but there’s nothing we can do…”

 

“There’s always something you can do!” Kara advances on the doctors.

 

“Supergirl! Stop!” Hank commanded as he entered the hospital wing. He saw Alex’s body and tried to mask his shock before turning back to one of the women he considered a daughter, “We were raiding a warehouse in the port district when the Kalvar we were hunting grabbed Alex. I was here, I couldn’t get to her fast enough… She fought with it in the air before it dropped her,”

 

“You should have _called_ me! I should’ve _been_ there! Her blood is on your hands!” Kara yells at Hank, blasting him with her heat vision. He flew backwards through two labs and another wall before stopping. As he got to his feet, Kara hits him with an uppercut before flying above him and punching him back to the ground. She punches him through three floors before she stops at the sight of blood at the corner of his mouth.

 

“Kara… I’m sorry,” Hank gasps, clutching his ribs, “We’ll find the Kalvar that did this…”

 

“You mean you didn’t capture the bird that did this to- to _her_?! I’ll do your job for you!” Kara snarls, flying through the roof of the bunker.

 

Hank transforms into J’onn, taking off after the distraught hero. She managed to get further away than he was expecting and he only managed to catch up to her when she landed in the warehouse they had raided earlier.

 

“Don’t try to stop me!” Kara warns as she looks around for clues to the Kalvar’s whereabouts. She didn’t have to look for long as the Kalvar screeched before dive-bombing the hero. She grabbed the thing’s talon and pulled the purple bird in half. Blood splattered Kara, J’onn, and the warehouse.

 

“She wouldn’t have been in any danger had I been here!” Kara advanced on J’onn again as she threw the halves of the Kalvar to the side.

  
“I know,” J’onn said as he took the now exhausted Kryptonian in his arms and flew back to the city DEO.


	2. Everything Comes Back to You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara wakes up and has to tell the two people most important to her sister about what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to 'This Town' by Niall Horan on repeat writing this chapter. All I could see was Kara thinking about growing up with Alex. And if I haven’t said it, this is just a couple months after 2x08. I just ignored the whole Cat leaving thing since I’m still in denial.

Kara wakes up in her sun bed and looks to the chair in the corner for Alex before all of the previous night crashes into her. She sits up slowly and tries to take deep breaths to calm her surge of anger at the DEO. She leaves the hospital wing and walks into the command center to see Winn with tear streaks down his face. If she bothered to look around, Kara would see all the agents looked downtrodden and lost. Kara stood in the middle of the DEO, staring without seeing until she felt a pair of arms wrap around her.

 

“Kara… Whatever you need, I’m here for you.” Winn said into her shoulder.

 

“I have to tell Eliza,” Kara said when she finally registered Winn’s words.

 

“I can go with you,” He offered.

 

“No, I have to tell her myself. This is the second family member she’s lost because of me…” Kara said, stepping away from her friend.

 

“Kara, that’s not true-” Winn started to say, but she had already taken to the skies.

 

\---

 

Kara tried to think of how she would tell her foster mother about Alex as she flew, but she was landing on the beach before she had formulated even a single sentence. Eliza had heard the telltale whoosh and was opening the backdoor with a grin, calling out a greeting. The closer she got to the house, the more Eliza’s face fell. Kara couldn’t hold her head high and couldn’t keep the look of despair off her face.

 

“What happened?” Eliza asked when Kara met her on the porch. The silence was deafening except for the pounding of Eliza’s heart. Kara wrapped her in a hug and said, “I’m sorry,”

 

“Sorry for what?” Eliza asked, she had to hear the words.

 

“I’m sorry for- I’m sorry for not being there for her,” Kara tried to say.

 

“How badly is Alex hurt?” Eliza said, stiffening in her foster daughter’s embrace.

 

“She’s not hurt,” Kara said.

 

“Then where is she?” Eliza asked, her brow furrowed.

 

“She’s not hurt anymore,” Kara rephrased, unable to say the right words.

 

“Anymore? Kara, tell me what’s going on!” Eliza demanded, pushing away from Kara.

 

“Eliza… She’s not hurt anymore.” Kara emphasized.

 

“Kara, is she-i-is she-fuck… Is Alex alive?” Eliza managed to ask after Kara’s words started to sink in.

 

“No,” Kara answered, pulling her cape tight to her body, but the comfort she usually found in the Kryptonian fabric wasn’t there.

 

Eliza collapsed against the door frame, sobs wracking her body. Kara let Eliza’s anguish wrap around her, settle over her. Every tear, every gasp, every murmured no, was Kara’s penance for taking another family member from the woman who took her in and tried to comfort a child overcome with grief. Kara didn’t know how long she stood there before Eliza’s tears stopped, but time seemed to start again when she broke the silence, “I need to see her,”

 

“Eliza-” Kara started to say.

 

“No. I need to see her, now. Please,” Eliza said, standing up. Kara held out her arms and wrapped Eliza tight before lifting off. The flight was quiet and short and they were landing in front of the DEO bunker in mere minutes.

Kara led Eliza through the cave to the med bay and watched as she had to ask a doctor where to find her daughter’s body. She watched as Eliza pulled open the morgue cooler door, as she slid the table out. She watched as Eliza worked up the courage to pull the corner of the sheet down and watched as she collapsed when she saw her daughter’s cold face. Kara left her to her grief and ignored everyone as she walked back out of the DEO. She ignored Lucy’s call and the look Agent Vasquez sent her way. She ignored the muttered condolences from the agents at the exit and she took off to notify the only other person who cared about her sister.

 

\---

 

The flight to NCPD took seconds, Kara landed in an alley two buildings over and changed into her human clothes. She walked into the precinct and waited in line at the front desk when she heard a surprised, “Kara! What can I do for you?”

 

Kara turned towards the voice to see the person she had come to see walking up to her, “Detective Sawyer, can I get you a coffee?”

 

“Uh, sure. Jake, I’ll be back in few,” Maggie said to the officer at the front desk before following Kara onto the street. Maggie followed Kara as she led them to a coffee cart next to a small park. Kara bought them both a cup and sat on bench away from the few people walking through the park.

 

“Kara, you’re starting to make me nervous,” Maggie finally said as she watched Kara stare into her coffee.

 

“I’m sorry… I need to talk to you about… There’s something I need to tell you about-” Kara started to say, pressure building behind her eyes.

 

“Kara, look at me,” Maggie said, kneeling in front of Kara and grabbing her hands, bringing her back to the present, “If I hadn’t already been sure you were Supergirl, I would know without a doubt now,”

 

“What? I’m not-” Kara started to deny.

 

“You just heat visioned your coffee out of existence. I don’t think anyone saw, we’re so far from the path,” Maggie said, looking for people staring at them before asking, “What’s wrong? What happened to Alex?”

 

“How did you know?” Kara asked, surprised.

 

“I know you don’t exactly like or trust me yet and you sought me out without her. So, what happened? I know it’s bad,” Maggie said without her trademark smile and head tilt.

 

“It’s worse than bad, it’s as bad as it can get…” Kara said, looking into Maggie’s eyes.

 

“How?” Maggie choked out.

 

“She fought a Kalvar and it took off with her and dropped her in the middle of the desert. There was nothing I could do when I finally got to her,” Kara said, breaking Maggie’s heart in a monotone voice. Maggie’s head dropped onto Kara’s knees as sobs overtook her.

 

Kara sat on the bench, her arms resting uselessly at her side as her sister’s girlfriend cried on her knees. Maggie was holding onto Kara’s pant legs tight enough to wrinkle as she tried to stop the emotions coursing through her. When Maggie finally pulled herself together enough to stand up, Kara’s pants were soaked through.

 

“Where do I go?” Maggie asked, wiping her face.

 

“The bunker in the desert, do you know where it is?” Kara said, watching as Maggie backed away from her.

 

“Alex gave me the tour a couple weeks ago when my clearance came through,” Maggie answered before turning away and walking back to the precinct. Kara stood rooted in place until she saw Maggie fly past on her motorcycle. She would’ve continued to stand there, but she finally noticed her phone was ringing. The face of Cat Grant stared at her as she looked at her phone. Kara let the call go to voicemail and saw that she had 35 missed calls and even more unread texts. She unlocked her phone as it started to ring again, Cat’s face glaring at her.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hello? Hello?! Kiera, you didn’t call in today and you haven’t answered any of my calls or texts! I told Snapper you were helping me today, so explain yourself before I fire you!” Cat demanded in her most irritated voice.

 

“No,” Kara said before she hung up on her CEO. Cat immediately called back and Kara hit the ignore button.

 

She then turned off her phone and started to walk. She stared at the sidewalk and put one foot in front of the other. She tuned out the noises of the city; the voices of people calling for Supergirl, the sounds of car horns and humans cursing, the calls of birds, the slamming of doors, the sounds of world not her own. She walked until day turned to night and the crooks came out to play. She walked until she felt someone try to grab her shoulder. She shook their grasp off and kept plowing forward until someone stepped in front of her to make her stop.

 

She finally looked up to find herself by the ports and two men standing in front of her with two more behind her. She stared the men down and growled, “What do you want?”

 

“Your valuables, sweetheart,” One of the men in front of her answered, leering at her.

 

“I’m not interested,” Kara said, shouldered her way past the two trying to block her path.

 

“I don’t care if you are interested, hand over everything you’ve got or we’ll shoot you,” The man said, grabbing her arm. Kara flexed her arm, forcing his hand loose as she tried to walk away again. She took two steps before a bullet ricocheted off the back of her head.

 

“I said, I’m. Not. Interested.” Kara spit out as she disarmed the men, knocked them out, and tied them to a nearby bicycle rack. Kara called 9-1-1 with one of the robber’s phones and then went into a nearby alley to change into her Supergirl costume. She flew home and landed on her balcony, surprised to find the lights on. She quickly scanned her apartment and went to go take off again when a voice shouted out, “Don’t. Just come in Kara,”

 

Kara reluctantly walked into her home and stared down the intruder until she spoke, “Don’t stare at me like that. I talked to James Olsen after you hung up on me and he told me what happened. He said you didn’t even tell him, he had to call Winn to find out. And I can tell by the look on your face that you don’t want me to know, but I know. Do you?”

 

“Ms. Grant, get out of my apartment. I don’t know how you even got in, but get out,” Kara demanded, ignoring the question.

 

“Can you admit your sister is dead?” Cat asked again, stepping towards Kara.

 

“Get. Out. This is your last chance,” Kara warned.

 

“My last chance or you’ll throw me off a building again? I can manage,” Cat scoffed at her former assistant.

 

“I won’t throw you off the building,” Kara said in a small voice before admitting, “I can’t say it because then it’ll be true…”

 

“It already is true, Kara. You need to say it,” Cat said, taking another step towards Kara.

 

“Don’t make me,” Kara whispered, clutching at her cape.

 

“Denial gets you nowhere and makes the grief hit you all the harder when you finally accept it,” Cat said, moving into Kara’s personal space.

 

“No,”

 

“Yes,” Cat said, pulling Kara into a hug.

  
“Alex shouldn’t have died! I should’ve been there! Why didn’t she call me?” Kara finally admitted, letting her boss hug her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Please let me know what could use some work or what you liked. I am also still looking for a beta.

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t hate me too much… Although killing off my favorite character was one of the hardest things I’ve written in such a long time. 
> 
> Kalvars are a purple humanoid telepathic race with bird wings and feet for those who were wondering.
> 
> I’m also looking for a beta for the next 15-ish chapters. Message me if you’re interested, I use Google Docs.


End file.
